If there's one thing that really popped into my mind these past few days of "extreme thought," it's the fact that, in order to get to a point where I want to be in life, I have to make sacrifices. Often, it requires to do some drastic change into my habit, but it's often to my own benefit. So as you all know, I have a crush on this girl—who's been the recurring theme in my blog posts recently—and I want to look as sharp and as good-looking as I can so she can finally notice me. Now, in order for me to do that, I have to change. I have to get up, get rid of my laziness, and start making rounds.
From what I've heard, this girl has high expectations. Really high expectations. I'm not sure what they meant about "high expectations," because it could mean two things: One, she wants a really good-looking guy, one that has washboard abs, a 600-pack man, rich, 9'1, the Jesus of basketball, the next Usain Bolt, the next pop star, and all that stuff. Two, it could mean that she wants a guy who can really give effort, time, and dedication to her.
Now, as you all know, I'm the complete opposite of the first thing that she might want. I'm not good-looking (I know I'm not good-looking, and I'm aware of that), I'm not rich, I'm not that all, I don't have any favorite sports, and I love to sing, but I'm not a good singer. Despite all of that, I genuinely hope that she's looking for the second one, someone who can give her effort, time, and dedication because I can be that guy. I can be the one who can give her 100% of my attention, love, time, effort, and dedication. I can be the one who'll offer hr a shoulder to cry on. I can be the one who can love her and only her, and not think of any other girl. I can be the one who'll catch her if she falls. I can do all of that stuff.
But still, I'm sure she can't see that right now. I'm sure that, as of this moment, I'm just one of the guys in her list of "People who tried, but didn't get anywhere," and I want to change that.
The crazy thing about all of this is that I have no reason to do all of this. Sure, I'm doing it for love's sake, but I really don't have any rhyme nor reason to do any of this, really. Even though I try to forget all of this and move on, there's still that voice inside my head (Ol' Georgie, perhaps?) saying, "She might be The One. She might be the first. She's perfect for you," and I can't shake it off.
As I said yesterday, I took this leap of faith and, immediately after leaping, I had this feeling of extreme doubt and uncertainty. Because I could land on two roads: the first one being a road of not-so-immediate success, which requires an equal or greater amount of effort just to get to her heart and the latter being a road of rejection, failure, and eventual shut-out from her life. For now, I'm just flailing my arms in the air because I don't know where I'll land, and I'm genuinely scared of the mostly likely road I'll fall onto—the road of rejection.
Still, I'm keeping my hopes up and despite having a "drama pum pum" session on Twitter last night, I'm going to aim for a better performance sometime next week.
But going back to the topic, I can't get anywhere if I'm not going to make the effort to move. The default path I'll fall onto is the path of rejection, but I know I can try and, somehow, make my way onto the path of not-so-immediate success. And, if I want to do that, I should start to make sacrifices. The first one is to do stuff that requires me to get off my feet and to start doing something about this.
It'll be hard, I know, but I hope that all of the blood, sweat, and tears will eventually pay off within the next few months or so. And, in the event that it does pay off, I'll be the happiest man alive, and you'll see, I'll be a changed man by then.