A Better Tomorrow

In my previous post, I stated in the changelog that I would have a "Concentration of the Day" system in Build 14440, and I was serious about that. Honestly speaking, this whole "concentration system" is not really new in my world, oh no, I actually had a system like this last term in order to help me learn while I'm at home. As you all know, I fell through my plans and I failed to adhere to them.

But, with the release of Build 14440, I intend to make sure that I will follow and stick to the concentration system this time. As for now, I'm sort of in a gray area of the concentration system because the full implementation of it starts tomorrow with EGRAMDEV day. So, for today, I will ignore and put off the Sunday concentration in order to shift my focus onto completing the tasks I have yet to finish.

Still, I know you're all dying to know what the concentration means—so, without any further ado, let me explain it for you.


So, this "concentration system" I have developed utilizes the spare time I have when I'm at home. In theory, I reallocate the time being used for wasteful actions (such as waiting for messages, browsing the Internet, and staring at the screen) into activities that prove to have more purpose, such as learning how to use layer effects in Photoshop or developing a program that could initialize arrays.

What I will do is, rather than having to wait for a reply to come through, I will instead listen to an audiobook, watch a tutorial, or experiment with something to further enhance my skill according to the concentration of the day. Now that's done, let me explain the days and the concentrations themselves.

The first day of the week is EGRAMDEV Day, a day whose concentration is solely devoted to the improvement of my English grammar and fluency. On this day, I will do activities, read books, and watch tutorials on how to further improve my English grammar. It should also be worth noting that I try to adhere to the Chicago Manual of Style as much as I can. This day is and will always be the first day because of 2 major reasons—the first one being that the day itself will actually help me in the days to come by further improving my skill in the most fundamental building block of my life, which is English grammar; the second one is a secret and only those who have been in my class of SS151 will only understand the significance of this day to me.

The second day—Photoshop Improvement Day—is a day where I focus on the wonderful program known as Photoshop. This day will be wholly spent on improving my skills in image manipulation, design, and other Photoshop-related things such as layout design (though, I am fully aware I should use Adobe InDesign for layouting) and graphic design.

The third day is (and will always be) Public Speaking Day. This day is an day with extreme concentration on public speaking and speech improvement because, every Wednesday, I train with my fellow members of APC Speaks in an attempt to further hone and improve our public speaking skills. But, as you all know, learning doesn't stop when someone's not training you, so I've taken the liberty of preparing exercises and speech writing activities for me once I get home. On these days, I will practice my tone, accent, voice projection, pronunciation, reading-out-loud ability, and so much more.

The fourth day's concentration is mainly focused on creating desktop programs and other developments in technology. On this day, I will learn about how to properly code in C#, Java, and many others as long as the programming language I'm learning isn't related to the web because the following day is allotted to it. Since this day doesn't focus on any web-related programming development and only covers general programming, I rightfully named it Programming Development Day.

While the fourth day is about general programming, the fifth day is all about web programming, which is why it's Web Development Day. The main concentration of this day is all about web technologies. HTML5/CSS3, JavaScript, AJAX, PHP, Node.js, Python, and all of those web programming languages take center stage this day. This day covers both frontend and backend web development, so there's a huge change I will take on database management and/or server management courses, as well as cloud-related services.

The mystical yet enigmatic sixth day is all about letting my imagination and creativity flow through a medium called "English literature," which is why it's the English Literature Day. This is the day where I will take all of the things I learned on the first day and pour it onto paper or text files for the world to see. It should also be worth noting that I will try to write much on this day. Making the last day of the week the day where I write most is a great choice because it gives me a medium to scream out and say how my week has gone. This is also the day where I'll be posting slam poems on my blog and on my Wattpad account. Slam poems will be posted at night, so, if you're planning to read a slam poem from me, be sure to check my blog (or Wattpad account) every Saturday at 8 p.m. onwards to read my latest slam poem.

Last but not least, Sunday. Sunday is a day where I get to kick back, relax, and focus on general improvements regarding anything in my life. It should also be worth noting that this day is where I will try to improve my relationships with my friends, members of APC Speaks, and other people I hold dear. Since Sundays are usually a day of rest, I wanted to make this the day of no concentration, but since that will impede my progress to become a better person, I just made it the General Improvement Day so that there won't be a day where I won't be able to improve on something.


I will (personally) try my best to adhere to this whole "concentration system" as I believe that this might be one of the steps that will lead me towards the excellence I've been trying so hard to achieve. Let's just hope that I'll have the courage and energy to fight the laziness that it taking me over from within, and, hopefully, all of the effort that I will put into this system will be of use to me one day—regardless if it's now, next year, or even in the far future.

• Added controls for beserk mode
• Added support for advanced rejection handling systems
• Added philosophy
• Added "Concentration of the Day" system for enhanced development of skills
• Improved conversation-continuation systems
• Improved rejection and drama-prevention controls
• Increased attention for excellence in the fields of technology, literature, and academics
• Increased attention in the field of public speaking
• Increased control for actions when romantic interest is near
• Reintroduction of core values from 2012-era operating systems
• Reintroduction of core SNSD values and personality traits
• Reintroduction of some of Seohyun's personality traits
• Removal of jealousy
• Removal of some unwanted/unneeded traits picked up from external sources

If there's one thing I learned during my seventeen-year stay here on this world, it's the blatantly-obvious fact that life likes to throw obstacles at people. Whether it's an obstacle about your family, or even about courtship, life shall and always will find an obstacle to throw at you. This is normal, and you shouldn't (and, most obviously, can't) avoid it. And, during my stay here, I can surely say that I've had my fair share of obstacles—most of them were easy to get over; however, there are some that have caused "my own downfall" and there are also those obstacles that have left a scar on my used-to-be-pristine motivation.

The events that have transpired over these past few weeks is one of the latter—one that has caused a gaping wound in my motivation. Still, what do I do? Wait, no, let me rephrase that, what should I do? And the most obvious response to that is to get back up.

Now that the drama (with me, which was also caused my me) is now starting to settle and the love slowly fading into obscurity, I can finally start to focus on the thing that matters most in my life—my dream. My dream of becoming the next person to innovate technologies. That is my dream.

The purpose of this post isn't just to notify you all that I'm OK and I'm going to continue chasing after my dreams, of course not. See, the purpose of this post is for me to state and explain what my course of actions will be for the next few months or so, and I intend to be 100% honest and transparent in this.

So, you might ask, "Why are you still in the Campus Ministry? Isn't that all a hoax just to get close to the girl?" Well, simply put and believe it or not, I'm actually starting to enjoy being in this Campus Ministry and helping them out in any events. Even though I'm not really that much of a religious person, I still, for some reason, get joy from accompanying them in activities. So, my stance on this whole "Should I leave the Campus Ministry?" drama is a big, solid NO. I am not leaving and I don't plan to do so. However, I can't say the same thing next term, maybe I will be busier because I also intend to join the APC Microsoft Community next term in an effort to become a Microsoft Student Partner by late 2016 or early 2017.

"What about love? What about courting someone?" The answer to that is, unfortunately, a sad and tragic one. Since the girl really won't express any interest in my efforts, then I should say that I'm going to just stop it, and retire the idea of romance indefinitely—for the time being, that is. I'll also stop looking for any girls and just really focus on my studies. So, for the time being, no more romantic love and I guess I'll just wait until I meet someone again that will spark up my ever-so-boring life once again. I have a feeling that the loving and romantic part of me will be left in a derelict state for a long time, I just know it. It's sad to say that I'm retiring the concept of romantic love—and, possibly, the concept of love as a whole—for now, but it's what I have to do. So, yeah, I'm quitting love (for now). (Unless, of course, the girl shows interest and tells me that I have a chance of courting her—in which, my reply to this whole thing would be "Finally.")

Still, focus is a thing that cannot be destroyed nor created, so you might wonder what will it be repurposed for. The real answer to that is that it's going to be cut up and be repurposed for personality and character development, technological innovation and development, and academic studies improvement. I sorted them out in order or importance, so there's a really BIG need for development of my personality and character. I've noticed that my personality and character is the equivalent to that of a background character—someone you just meet who's as bland and as boring as any of the other persons you've met in your life. I really want to take myself apart, see what I'm good at, flesh them out, and show to the world that I'm not just that background character who you only think of when you have a computer related problem, no.

There's this ever-growing fire inside of me that yearns and burns for excellence in various fields, and I need to keep the flames burning. So, with the door towards romance closed, the door toward excellence will now be opened—and the only thing to do left is to step through. Chasing for excellence in technological development, character and personality development, academics, public speaking, and writing is a hard task; still, it's more feasible than chasing for love I don't deserve.


Only by achieving true excellence will I ever afford the luxury of falling in love again, that's for sure.

If there's one thing that really popped into my mind these past few days of "extreme thought," it's the fact that, in order to get to a point where I want to be in life, I have to make sacrifices. Often, it requires to do some drastic change into my habit, but it's often to my own benefit. So as you all know, I have a crush on this girl—who's been the recurring theme in my blog posts recently—and I want to look as sharp and as good-looking as I can so she can finally notice me. Now, in order for me to do that, I have to change. I have to get up, get rid of my laziness, and start making rounds.

From what I've heard, this girl has high expectations. Really high expectations. I'm not sure what they meant about "high expectations," because it could mean two things: One, she wants a really good-looking guy, one that has washboard abs, a 600-pack man, rich, 9'1, the Jesus of basketball, the next Usain Bolt, the next pop star, and all that stuff. Two, it could mean that she wants a guy who can really give effort, time, and dedication to her.

Now, as you all know, I'm the complete opposite of the first thing that she might want. I'm not good-looking (I know I'm not good-looking, and I'm aware of that), I'm not rich, I'm not that all, I don't have any favorite sports, and I love to sing, but I'm not a good singer. Despite all of that, I genuinely hope that she's looking for the second one, someone who can give her effort, time, and dedication because I can be that guy. I can be the one who can give her 100% of my attention, love, time, effort, and dedication. I can be the one who'll offer hr a shoulder to cry on. I can be the one who can love her and only her, and not think of any other girl. I can be the one who'll catch her if she falls. I can do all of that stuff.

But still, I'm sure she can't see that right now. I'm sure that, as of this moment, I'm just one of the guys in her list of "People who tried, but didn't get anywhere," and I want to change that.

The crazy thing about all of this is that I have no reason to do all of this. Sure, I'm doing it for love's sake, but I really don't have any rhyme nor reason to do any of this, really. Even though I try to forget all of this and move on, there's still that voice inside my head (Ol' Georgie, perhaps?) saying, "She might be The One. She might be the first. She's perfect for you," and I can't shake it off.

As I said yesterday, I took this leap of faith and, immediately after leaping, I had this feeling of extreme doubt and uncertainty. Because I could land on two roads: the first one being a road of not-so-immediate success, which requires an equal or greater amount of effort just to get to her heart and the latter being a road of rejection, failure, and eventual shut-out from her life. For now, I'm just flailing my arms in the air because I don't know where I'll land, and I'm genuinely scared of the mostly likely road I'll fall onto—the road of rejection.

Still, I'm keeping my hopes up and despite having a "drama pum pum" session on Twitter last night, I'm going to aim for a better performance sometime next week.


But going back to the topic, I can't get anywhere if I'm not going to make the effort to move. The default path I'll fall onto is the path of rejection, but I know I can try and, somehow, make my way onto the path of not-so-immediate success. And, if I want to do that, I should start to make sacrifices. The first one is to do stuff that requires me to get off my feet and to start doing something about this.

It'll be hard, I know, but I hope that all of the blood, sweat, and tears will eventually pay off within the next few months or so. And, in the event that it does pay off, I'll be the happiest man alive, and you'll see, I'll be a changed man by then.

This love has taken its toll on me. She said goodbye too many times before. And her heart is breaking in front of me. I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore.

Well, kids, it seems that we have an exciting topic to talk about today and, judging by the poorly-made Photoshop image I have made above, this post is going to be all about the four letter word, L-O-V-E. For those who don't know, the past few weeks ago or so, I've made a post explaining that I would court this girl, and, for the time being, let's call her "C." Now C and I have known each other for a month or so and, during that time, my actions were swift in trying to court her. I stroke while the hammer was hot (or whatever you kids call it) and it seemed like my extreme desperation (as well as my eagerness) got the best of me because, obviously, the plan backfired and all went down into a big pile of burning mess that was, of course, my ego as well as all of the hopes and dreams I had for the girl, C, and I becoming girlfriend and boyfriend.

She found me out, she found out about what I was doing and was planning to do, and I was shut down immediately on the spot.

Now, people who are still here (those who have developed a tolerance to my incoherent style of storytelling), what happened next was DIFFERENT, and I mean really different. After a few days of silence or so, she and I started to talk again. Which was weird for me because, usually the girls I try to ask out immediately stop talking to me once they found out that I was planning to court them. Normally, most girls would often stop talking to this fella right here after finding out that the seemingly-awkward CS geek had a crush on them.

So this girl and I continued to talk on Facebook for about a few weeks or so and then this week-long event at our college started and Thursday rolled in. There was this event and I was 1 person short of joining this game when I thought to myself, "How about C? She might be up for it or, you know, she might be going with her friends or some other person. I should try asking her out and paying for her expenses." Long story short, I asked her, she agreed, she went with my friends and I, and I had one of the best nights I've ever had. Normally, her agreeing to go to the event with me might signal something, but I just didn't take much notice of it because, as you all know, it's bad to have hope in things that may/may not be real.

But here's the thing: I did have hope. I did believe that, someday soon, I would be able to walk up to this girl, give her the best bouquet of flowers, and confess to her all of the things I've been wanting to say to her ever since our fateful encounter when I was manning the APC Speaks Instagram-like booth. Despite the entire idea being a tad childish, I still believed in it, and for no apparent reason, it seems that it is what I'm hoping for.

As most of you know, I'm a very logical person. Often times, I try to think with my brain and decide the most proper and fit actions based on what I am thinking rather than what I'm feeling. I have continuously told myself to always listen to the brain rather than my heart (or any other bodily organ, for that matter). But, this time, it seems as if my brain can't decide on whether or not I should stop all my shenanigans or if I should revise, develop, and continue that plan I had made—whose ultimate goal is, of course, to court her. My brain can't decide whether or not I should continue what I had started or to just stop; nevertheless, my heart would obviously saying a big "YES!" to all of this.

The ultimatum of this seemingly-never ending dilemma of mine would be this: continue. Continue with MAJOR revisions to my plan for her and to continue while showing her the best of who I can be. Because if I'm not going to continue with all of my might, effort, and willpower this time, I might as well not continue.


So, in that case, where am I now? I'm currently at the end of the junction right now that cuts off at one path but diverges into two distinct paths. The other path, the path of failure and acceptance of rejection is the path that's already complete and waiting to be went down on. The other, the path of uncertainty with the possibility of a big reward, is cut off from the junction I'm standing on. The road up ahead is dark, foggy, and hard to make out, with little to no assurance of anything paying off.

Despite this, I'll be clutching my heart and you'll be seeing me take a leap of faith onto a path that will, hopefully, lead me to her. That's my leap of faith.

It's a genuinely good question. Where has my mind been these past few weeks? The reason why I asked myself this (while listening to a song that is of the same title) is because, for these past few weeks or so, I don't seem to be acting like myself. Just a little refresher for those who don't know yet I—obviously—got rejected by the person I was planning to court, and what made it worse is the fact that it was a (sort of) indirect form of rejection. There are other things that attribute to the loss of my conscience these past few weeks, so, let's trace back three weeks ago.

Shortly after I published the post "An Update," I began to think of a plan to court this girl I had an infatuation for. I asked my friends—and my fellow APC Speaks members, too—for tips on how to approach someone from the higher year levels. To my surprise, I got an overwhelming amount of support from my friends and from the people who were willing to help me out. Believe me when I say that this amount of support in my life is unprecedented and, honestly speaking, I was more than humbled to see how many of my friends are willing to stick with me and help me out in my latest "endeavor."

Several days pass and—on February 11, 2016—the "first phase" of my 3-step plan to court this person began. It was a Thursday and, while I was waiting in the main hallway/area outside the cafeteria, I encountered the girl that I was planning to court. There it began. Suddenly, the Police's "Every Breath You Take" played in my head and, almost like a movie, everything around me played in slow motion. As she walked down the flight of stairs leading to the main floor, her hair bounced from the left side of her face to her right, revealing her face. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack because she was walking towards me and I probably looked like some fool with his eyes wide open. She immediately turned to the right and opened the door leading to the hallway that leads to the APC Chapel. I saw her enter and I immediately ran to look for this kind blockmate of mine (Justin Parado). I asked him to do a favor for me, in which he immediately accepted (he's nice like that), and soon enough he was on his way to the APC Chapel to ask "if it was already open." He returned to me and excitement soon rushed through my dried-up arteries.

Story time and flowery words aside, I met her, she met me, I got acquainted to the org through the help of my friend, Timothy, and, after the mass, we were able to have lunch. Although we didn't directly exchange stories, it was genuinely nice to hear them tell theirs, and I'm contented listening to them. One thing that I shouldn't have done during that time was to stare at her. Seriously, I wasn't able to control my eyes staring at her. I don't know why, first-love-in-a-long-time habits, I guess. She definitely caught me staring at her, but she just smiled with her cute eyes (what?) and started to laugh. To which I laughed along for no reason as well, but I felt relieved that she didn't get mad, or something.

For now, I'll keep our first day encounter under wraps and as a secret; however, I will publish a blog post soon about our first encounter (in great detail, of course). Going back, the day turned out pretty well so far—until I got home. A few hours or so after I arrive home, I got a message saying that a close friend of mine got terminated from APC Speaks and that he wasn't able to go back. Personally, this rocked me to the core and my heart (which was fluttering from what happened earlier) suddenly dropped to the pit of my stomach. This signaled the end of my time with that friend of mine.


Fast forward to February 19, I got the most terrifying news I could ever get in the whole month of February. After days of what seemed like total silence in the chatbox of the girl I love, a friend of hers (who's also my fellow APC Speaks member) told me that she wasn't interested in me because of reasons I won't and shouldn't state in this blog. The words "Ouch" and "I knew it" immediately went out of my mouth as I read—in disbelief—the walls of text that is, undeniably, the truth. Still, I seemed to have taken it rather lightly. Personally speaking, if you're me, you wouldn't even hope for a chance at love. At this point, I don't even have hope that I may find someone someday, but the events that transpired over the past few days brought back hope into my life. Nevertheless, it all "evaporated" when I heard the news.

I accepted it, of course. I completely agree with her decision, despite the urge of my gut to say otherwise. While I couldn't exactly say what long-term effect the rejection had on me, I could say for certain that I was heartbroken because I started to fall for the girl. I already got jitters just talking to her and her messages to me almost everyday made my day better, and all of the things that got something to do with love.

A few days pass and my life—once again—has started to lose all its color. Food has lost its taste, colors have turned dull, and songs have lost their meaning. All of the songs that had something to do with love, and all of the songs I played while I was in love (notoriously Sam Cooke's "What A Wonderful World") have lost all their meaning and I struggled to understand them once again.

Despite all of that, I still (more than) want to be friends with the girl. She's genuinely nice, and she's totally unlike the other girls I've met before. After everything, I can surely say that the girl has a kind heart with a polite attitude, which is why I even fell for her in the first place. Well, that and because she looks so darn cute! But anyway, I personally see the girl as someone I'd love to (at the very least) befriend for a long time in my life. I don't know why, I just have a feeling that I should get close to this girl and make her one of my few close friends.

Finally, back to the topic of this post (I really do sidetrack that much, right?), I haven't been acting the same before. Sure, there are times when I would go back to a happy (and somewhat annoying) state of being, but that's just temporary, and it often doesn't last long as I immediately turn into a hollow husk of a "suitor."

Life hasn't been quite like the same for me recently. I'm neither forlorn nor happy, I'm just.. neutral, I suppose. The statement "Life hasn't been quite like the same for me" is probably the most accurate thing I could say right now because there is no other way for me to explain my current state of being.

As for now, I suppose my mind is wandering off somewhere. Probably thinking about what it did wrong, and how could it have a second—yet more meaningful—chance. It's probably thinking of the things that could've happened but, in reality, didn't happen because of various reasons and certain "restrictions."


I don't even know anymore. Still, I'm happy that the girl and I are still friends, and I value her for doing that. Regardless if my mind is with me or not, I'm still glad that I involuntarily smile when I see her, or whenever she messages me. As long as those happen, I'm genuinely happy.