A Better Tomorrow

For as far as I can remember, I've always been a shut-in. I've spent a great portion of my life inside a room, or within the safety of my own house, and it's slowly starting to kill me. My life as a shut-in didn't start since childhood; rather, it started as I slowly progressed into my teenage years and, well, here I am now.

Being a shut-in can have it's positives. For one, I don't have to worry about what to wear, how much money I'm going to need for the day, and I won't have to deal with the elements of the outdoors (heat, rain, noise, and so on). While this lifestyle has benefited me for quite a while, it certainly isn't a lifestyle to adopt for the rest of my life. This brings us to the downside of being a shut-in—isolation. Isolation, as you probably know by now, is a side-effect of being a shut-in. You might wonder why isolation is a problem when you can easily message anyone anywhere in the world with the Internet, and you have a point.

Still, there's something inherently different with talking to people in real life compared to talking to them inside the confines of a chatbox/chat window. Ever since I've gotten a laptop, my time outside the room has drastically plummeted while, adversely, my time online has dramatically increased. You see, before this laptop was given to me, I had to rely on the computer shops/Internet cafés nearby to access the Internet. This was around 2010-2012 when the "mobile Internet revolution" hadn't started and the best option to access the Internet here in the Philippines was through a computer.

Despite that, my first few months with this laptop was actually quite the same as before. I often messaged my other friends on where to hang out and I visited my friends' house often (notably Loy's house). Even after 2 or so years of having the laptop, I was still outgoing—probably more than ever before. During the climax of my life as a K-popper, I often attended occasions and events that either centered on K-pop in general or Girls' Generation, and I had a good time attending them, too.

Sadly, things change and, as time passed, I experienced a lot of stuff that just made me want to stay within the confines of my room. I've built up so many walls over the past year and tried to hide under the radar. I closed my old Facebook account (which was a part of all these K-pop groups, has a lot of posts, has a lot of comments, and contains most of the messages I've ever sent online) and instead opened a new Facebook account—one that is void of posts and community ties. As of now, my current Facebook account has shared 0 posts, has 0 timeline posts (aside from birthday posts), has 0 comments, and only has 1 post (which was a shared photo from my Instagram).

Although I'm mainly focusing on my Facebook life, I believe that this is a sign of me wanting to detach myself from communities and groups of people in general. I've eventually grown into the shut-in I am today, living life within safe borders.

Which ultimately brings me to this question: Is living in safety and distancing yourself from most people considered living?


The answer? I don't really know, if I were to be honest with you. Despite that, I am sure of one thing: I've been living a life like that and I don't want to live it anymore. As I've heard before, staying inside a comfort zone isn't a bad thing, but—like most things in life—it should be taken in moderation. What I'm basically planning to do is to get out of my shell and experience the world as it is, whether good or bad. I've lived a great deal of my life staying inside a "comfort bubble" and the isolation is taking its toll on me.

My solution? Get outside more, show my true colors, and express myself in ways I've never did before. I'm going to hang out more with my friends (while still trying to achieve academic excellence), focus on attending events, listening to new music, watching new movies, and just generally experiencing life as it is.

Hopefully I'll be able to take that first step outside.


P.S.
Listen to Taylor Swift's "The Outside," it totally matches the topic of this post. Also, I'm not a true shut-in because I still go outside to attend classes, but, if I did become one, I'd immediately lose my mind.

For those who have (very) keen eyes, you'll realize that my Twitter bio and my Facebook tagline now contains the phrase "Veritas et Excellentia." For those who are really keeping track, my Twitter profile now has a new maroon/dark crimson color scheme. Let me just clear everything up by saying that, yes, the phrase above will be my main motto for the next few months/years or so—and for a good reason.

Anyway, let me just give you a concise primer about what's been going on recently. For the past few weeks or so, I suddenly got a mild to extreme case of, what I call, "Harvard Fever"—a deep adoration bordering on addiction about anything Harvard University. I don't really know what gave me Harvard Fever, but I probably think it's Harvard University's CS50, although it could also be a variety of other factors.

My Harvard Fever got to a point where I actually almost applied to Harvard online. Needless to say, it was by a long shot for me to even try to apply for Harvard, let alone get into the school itself considering my current situation. I tried, sure, but it was hard to even try to apply. For starters, I'm a student in the Philippines and I graduated before the K-12 program was put into effect, which means that I also had 4 years of secondary education, and it was only through grades 6–10. Also, since I'm already a college student, I first thought that I was supposed to apply as a transferee student because I already gained credit in my Computer Science course. (Still, I'm just 17 years old.). There are a myriad of other problems that affected me even trying to apply, so I took another route instead—emulate the feeling of studying there.

Now, emulating the feeling and overall experience of studying there is a little harder than I expected. First, we don't have the large community Harvard does and a bunch of other things, but I tossed those aside and decided to try it anyway. I first adopted a new motto, one that includes Harvard's motto and I added my own bit following their motto. After a few Latin tutorials and translations, I finally settled with "Veritas et Excellentia" and used it from there on out.

So, why "Veritas et Excellentia"? Well, I put Veritas first because it's translation "truth" was easier to implement and because I consider truth to be more important than excellence. Though I consider both of them equally important, I believe that truth is more important because nowadays most people do all kinds of nasty and untruthful things to gain excellence. That's why I chose that motto and structured it that way because I plan on pursuing excellence while maintaining truthful to myself and to others. That's basically the literal translation of it, "truth and excellence." Truth while aiming for excellence.


Note: My Instagram bio (or whatever you call it) uses a similar but different phrase—"Veritas super omnia." I chose that because it follows in the footsteps of my main motto and because it directly means "truth above all else"/"truth above all."

As of writing this, it is now the 10th of July, 2016, and we're well on our way onto the start of the rainy season (or "monsoon season," as I like to call it). There's not much to this season in particular, other than the occasionally very rainy days and class suspensions (yay!). Being a person who's fond of the cold weather, the rainy season is my personal favorite of all the seasons; however, you do have to take into account that I live in a country near the equator, so we are only limited to two seasons: rainy or sunny. The rainy season occurs every single year and, ever since I've taken it into account, it's not quite the same as last years.

The rains have started pouring around a week or so ago and, my God, they have been some of the most unpredictable downpours I've ever seen. Often times, I leave the house and see a bright, considerably clear sky until I get to my college and then a massive downpour of rain starts. It's sad that I often find myself at the mercy of whatever weather is out there because I commute from home to school, so a nasty weather can sometimes influence me into not going outside at all.

Still, the harsh rains alone can't make up for the reasons as to why this year's monsoon is distinct to me. I don't really know why, but I've noticed that life around me has gotten a bit colder and uneventful. Ever since I've built up walls after that event, I found life to be quite dull and uneventful. I tried ways of finding new hobbies and other sorts, but nothing really stuck to me. Aside from that, I've recently checked and found out that I'm not in love with anyone, nor am infatuated towards anyone—not even attracted towards anyone, for that matter. While it's a great deterrent against those people who still throw jokes about my old crush, not having a crush has its own downsides along with some positives.

I can't really pinpoint out what makes this season boring, but I guess it's because I'm lacking of any inspiration. I've tried looking into many reasons to serve as a viable form of inspiration, but none of them seemed to last long. So, for the past few weeks or so, I've been blazing through life with a "meh" attitude towards everything, and I hate it.

Other than that, one thing I can really notice is the fact that I'm starting to long for human interaction—one that is not on Facebook. I've fancied the life of having everyone you know a single tap/click away, but I've slowly resented the idea after years of using it. I found myself longing to talk, one-on-one, in person with a friend of mine and it's really hard to do that these days. What's a little frustrating is that, sometimes, when you're out with a friend or a person you want to get to know, you can't avoid that person looking at their phones, or something, and it really kills the experience.

But I digress, this season is particularly different from the others solely because, well, things have gotten colder—literally and figuratively. The winds seem to be blowing into a different direction, one that seems to be pointing back to the past and I can't stop looking at the things that once used to be. I have a feeling that this season is trying to bring me back to the days of yesteryear, to a time when I looked at the raindrops out my window and got a feeling of relief. Maybe, just maybe, I might find something special amidst all of these downpours. Whatever the case may be, this monsoon season is starting out badly.

For the past few weeks or so—ever since classes have resumed—I have been pretty busy because of my schedule. It's not that I have more classes now compared to before, but it's because all of my classes are scrunched up in long, tiring afternoon sessions rather than being evenly spread out in the morning. Now, that sucks for 2 reasons: I'll always have to stay up late in the night to finish my assignments/schoolworks, and it basically leaves me super drowsy in the morning. Needless to say, this schedule has prevented me from posting on this blog frequently (among other reasons).

Nevertheless, I've always wanted to continue to post here, but I don't really get the reason why I post here infrequently. I've chalked up a bunch of reasons why I don't post here anymore, and one of the leading reasons (if not, the leading reason) as to why I don't post here anymore is because of how my blog is designed. You've probably noticed it by now because you'll see that basically ALL of the blog posts I have written (so far) have an image in them. Now, I'm not against making images for my posts, to be honest; if anything, I highly want it because I get to showcase my creativity now. But, as I said, it's kind of a double-edged sword: it's good because I get to finally show off my skills in image and graphics design, but, at the same time, it's also prohibiting me from making a lot of posts because I have to make sure that each of their design must be unique. Moreover, making post images take time and (some form) of creativity, so it also extends the amount of time needed to make a new post.

So, with that out of the way, what else is prohibiting me from posting here frequently? Lack of stories to share. Now, off the bat, I know what you're thinking, "Dart, why don't just share your everyday life or something? There's a story in everything!" and, although that might be true, there are some stories that I'm not compelled to share with the general public, and there are some stories that I only feel like sharing with trusted individuals. Sure, I could share my everyday life with bits and pieces of it removed, but that's basically (what I consider) a form of lazy writing—writing something for the sake of writing something.

Are there more reasons as to why I can't write? I could chalk up a few more, but I honestly don't like making more excuses. Writing is (or, in this case, was) my passion, and I'm quickly losing the motivation to chase it. But have no fear, I have made a few solutions to remedy these basic and easy-to-solve problems.

1. A new system for off-the-bat posts
I'm sure that there will be posts that I'll write just for the sake of writing in the future (and I have written a great amount of them in the past, too), and I need a new system in place for off-the-bat posts—and yes, that's what I'm calling them now. So, how will you know that a post is made right off the bat? Well, you'll notice that the posts have no image attached to them, and they'll also have the tag [Off-the-bat] so you can easily see off-the-bat posts.

2. Only adding a post image for the "featured" or "special" posts
So, for now, I'll only be making a post images for posts I can consider a "really valuable work of art," or something of the sort. I'll also be heavily proofreading them so you'll know that the post you're reading is of high quality. That's basically it for posts like these. Oh, and they won't have an [Off-the-bat] tag on them.

3. Publishing my speeches/slam poems/other works of literature
You all know that I'm a member of the public speaking cluster at APC Speaks, right? Every week or so, we make tons (and tons) of speeches—some subpar; others competition-level speeches. I'll make sure to post a speech of mine every week or so, but, of course, I'll be revising it, so some parts or certain sentences might be removed. Since I mentioned slam poetry, yes, I'll be bringing back my Slam Poetry Night series next Saturday, July 10, 2016.(Final change of schedule, I promise.) As for my other works of literature, the things I'll write when I'm bored, I'll just post some of them here. I still haven't decided whether or not to categorize them, but the slam poems sure are going to be. I'll figure something out soon.


In a nutshell, those are all of the solutions I could think of to get me posting more. I really, really hope this gets me to post more often in this blog as blogging/writing is, was, and always will be a thing that I genuinely have a passion for.