I'm going to be honest with you all and admit something very personal. In hindsight, I was quite a terrible friend to have this year. I've burned down the many bridges I have with my friends and haven't even bothered rebuilding them or building new ones. Plus, the ones I built were mediocre at best, it's as if I barely even tried making friends. I've been mean, rude, and unappreciative to my loyal set of friends this year, and, looking back now, I want to admit that it was wrong of me to do so.

One of those bridges that I so carelessly burned to the ground was my friendship with my best friend of 5 years. Around the earlier part of 2017, I basically had cast her away. She—the person who's known me, cared for me, made me happy through many years—was just set aside by my brain. The worst part was that I just stopped talking to her and blocked her out of the blue, without considering the stuff she's done for me in the past.

Months pass by and I'm living my life as usual. Everything's okay thus far, the usual cycle of life. Life seemed to progress as usual, or that was until early November. I felt it, the looming feeling that something, someone is missing from my life.

I didn't notice or care for it much in September nor October, but November is when it really crept up on me. This sadness, these feelings of regret, all these memories. It all had hit me like a truck. Because it was such a sudden and strong feeling, I broke down.

Those days were some of the darkest days of my life. I cried every day at the thought that I pushed her away. I spent my nights re-reading some of the messages she sent me. I used up my nights thinking about how much fun we had. It was a horrible feeling realizing that my best friend was gone and it was all because of me.

Then I realized something. I was such a monster to her. I read our messages and, for the most part, it was just me complaining, crying, or being overdramatic over something mundane and stupid. I actually wanted to reach through my screen and whack my old self in the head for being such a wuss. The worst part was reading through the parts when she was offering good and sound advice while I just made excuses up and pushed her away.

In a nutshell, I complained about not finding love, not having a girlfriend, not having someone who cared for me. When, in reality, the love that I was looking for was right in front of me. Sure, it wasn't romantic love, but a friendly kind of love and I didn't even notice it.

Going through that whole ordeal felt like watching a bad and cringy movie where the "protagonist" makes stupid decisions and you're just yelling at the screen, trying to tell the actor not to make that dumb move.

At the end of that dark phase, I just realized how important she was. I didn't need a girlfriend, I just needed a best friend. A best friend who I can exchange dreams with, tell stories with, share cool stuff with, and just be friends with. She was the shoulder I could cry on and comfort me, telling me that everything's going to be better, and yet I pushed her away. The love and care I was desperately looking for were right in front of me all this time.

So, what happened after realizing all this?

Well, I gave my decision much thought and settled on having her as a best friend again. It wasn't going to be easy, but I'm determined to be the friend I should've been to her back then.

After a week or so of talking... we're finally friends again! I don't know how to say it, but having her as a friend again is seriously one of the best feelings in the world. She makes me so happy and makes my day worthwhile. I'm in a horrible position now, but she never fails to make me smile.

I don't know why, but she brings out this super happy side of me that I rarely show anymore. I can't explain in words how much happy I am with her and how much I appreciate her for being my friend again. For me, it's just pure joy. The same childlike joy you get when you talk to a very close friend.

This was seriously the best plot twist I could ever have hoped for. Now that she's back in my life, I'll try to say "thank you" more, and make her feel welcomed and appreciated in my life. I will be the friend she was to me and hopefully heal some of the scars she got from dealing with the past me.

My journey with her is not yet done. I've still yet to have a lot of adventures to have with her and this is just the beginning. Wish me luck in my next chapter with her.