I've (somehow) managed to lead myself astray.. yet again! It seems that I have a habit of leading myself away from my intended goal/dream in life, don't I? Kidding aside, it seems that I have further dug a grave for myself by slowly becoming, well, who I am now.

To be honest with you, I have no idea when I've let myself (and everything in my life) go. I only started noticing when my grades started slipping, I wasn't getting enough sleep, I seem to study less and hate computer science more, and so on. It was a real shocker to me when I slowly found this out, and I don't even know what's the cause of it.

Now, look, I don't want to be pointing fingers to anyone here (and I clearly acknowledge that this happened to me due to my poor choices in life) but it seems that I started having this problem when I decided to hang out with my current set of friends. It seems that my closest friends (in my block) currently have little to no interest in computer science, and would often laze around when it comes to "doing real work." And, because I hang out with them so often, it seems that I managed to contract their personality as well.

My friends mean nice and all, but their aversion to doing major computer science stuff and their disinterest for the course itself is something I would never want to have, but, then again, it is something I'm starting to have.

I can't tell you what the feeling is exactly like, but it's the equivalent of slowly being accustomed to living with poison ivy around you, and, over time, you get used to it until one day you start to itch like hell and wonder why you let yourself get used to poison ivy in the first place. Or, if I'm going to really play with words, it's as if I absorbed too much of my surroundings in an attempt to "level" with the people around me when, in reality, I've let the good parts of me slowly get replaced with the "different" parts of others. Making me lose a part of myself with each passing day.

Personally, I don't know who I am anymore. I have the same tastes, same likes, and so on, but if I travel back and meet myself in my freshman year, I would immediately wonder why I let the starry-eyed, intrepid and inquisitive kid before me turn into a pile of regurgitated mess.

This all boils down to the fact that I need to hang out with my current set of friends less and to just not get influenced by them. With their dislike of people who are fluent in the English language (and the usage of it), and their thoughts of dropping out of CS in order to pursue another course/job, well, maybe not having any friends is better.